Papa Don's Little GirlDad would be celebrating today.

He was horrified to see his brethren die on that tragic day when the towers collapsed.  We talked in the days after the events of 9/11 about the job that the men of FDNY were doing.  I could hear the pain in his voice.

As a nation, we rallied around each other.  Many of us reacted in ways that we didn’t fully understand.  In retrospect everything seems different.  Ten years of war and a recession have changed my views.  Becoming a father has changed my views.  Meeting my wife changed my views.

I honestly don’t know how I feel about the death of Osama Bin Laden.  It’s almost meaningless to me.  There is an entire army of new recruits that has been formed over the past ten years.  And now to find out that he’s been “hiding” in a populated area?

I cannot celebrate.   The chest thumping is ugly.

I long for a day when the “threat level” is not orange.  What will a day that is “green” be like?  Will we ever see one?

When will it be safe to move on?

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April is a blur.

I’ve been keeping insane hours since the beginning of the month. Each week has been wall to wall busy with different projects, trips, and me bouncing from one meeting to another with barely any downtime to actually do any of the work that I need to do.

I’ve been down to Florida, for a day trip. Out to Virginia for nearly a week, and out to Sunnyvale, CA for a whirlwind trip consisting of two full days of travel for a single day of meetings.

As this week comes to a close, I’m excited about the fact that I have completed my part of a large proposal (save any last minute edits that need to occur over the weekend — I’m hoping for none, but doubt that will work out) and to have knocked off a list of 15 “action items” throughout the day.

I’m actually finishing the week with a clean slate for next week. I’ve got a chance to breath.

And that’s what I’m gonna do. Breathe in the air, the smell of soaked wet ground, and enjoy a few minutes of solitude.

Unplugging won’t do in this age of wireless and 3G, what’s needed is a shutdown, a black out. Maybe a lead suit that will protect me from all forms of communications.

It’s been a long three weeks. Even on this dark and rainy afternoon though, I finally see a bit of light.

I’m headed toward that light.

B & O Whistle No. 1I read a piece in Orion Magazine last night about traveling on trains as opposed to traveling via air. Train travel is compelling on many levels. It is a reconnection with our past — trains built America in many ways. It feels much more civilized than air travel. There are no full body scans, no metal detectors, no long lines. While a train is similar to a plane in that it is a long tube with seats on either side of an aisle, we don’t all board through a single entrance.

There is little hierarchy to train travel. While trains may have First Class cars, a ticket for the First Class coach is not a seat reservation, at least this is not the case on most rail routes in the United States. And the First Class coach boards at the same time as the rest of the train.

Where I can afford to sit (in a coach class seat) everyone is equal. Everyone must find a seat on their own, present their ticket upon request, and be responsible for their own trash. Of course, there are folks who are incapable of producing their tickets or keeping up with their trash.

Years ago, I lived with a woman who frequently had to travel to New York City from the Washington suburbs. She insisted on taking the plane for reasons that are still unclear to me. There’s a lot about her that remains unclear come to think of it. Her argument was that it was faster.

The train from Union Station in DC to Penn Station in NYC takes about four and a half hours. A flight takes about one and a half hours. On the surface this appears to be faster. But it never works out that way. First, there is no airport in Manhattan — one must land at either JFK or LaGuardia. In either case one needs to tack on 45 minutes to an hour to get into Manhattan. Second, one needs to arrive at the airport early enough to clear security (which in DC means about an hour and a half), where as with the train one can literally arrive and board. Finally, the flights in and out of JFK and LaGuardia are perpetually delayed. So, an air trip ends up taking as long or longer than a rail trip.

Leaving the time out of the equation, the rail trip to NYC from DC is much more interesting. The Amtrak line runs up the east coast, through Baltimore, Philadelphia, Trenton, Newark and finally New York. There is a lot to see on the way including the seedy sides of Baltimore, the countryside north of Baltimore, a trip over the Susquehanna river, and a very unique view of New York as you approach from the south. Who would have known that there are grasslands and marshes right outside of NYC?

For me, the train is the only way to go from DC to New York. More »

When I lived in Fells Point in 1996 I cut the tip of my finger off chopping green peppers.  Mike fixed me up. I’m pretty sure he’s still there at liquid earth.  Here’s a story from those days.

Some day I’ll lean how to chop. Then I won’t hack parts of my fingers and thumb off anymore. I have been working on it for several years actually. Somehow, I just can’t ever seem to get it right. It took me months to learn to rock the blade of the French knife across the flesh of the peppers on the board. I would slip up on my angle; the peppers would come out different shapes and sizes instead of all even diamonds.

It’s not that I’m new to cooking or using knives. I’ve been cooking for close to twenty years now and I was playing with knives when I was at least five. But I didn’t ever learn how to handle a knife appropriately until I lived with Chris and he taught me to hold it by the blade, not the handle. It gives you more control. Still I lack the control needed to dice up a mess of peppers.

Peppers seem to be the ones that give me the most trouble. I don’t know why; perhaps it’s their slick skin. The damned grocers always wax them up to make them look unnaturally beautiful in December. Two years ago, shortly after I was given my French knife I was cutting peppers one afternoon in March. The day had been an ordinary day. I had arrived home a little early I recall.

I lived on the corner of Aliceanna and Bethel in Fells Point, Baltimore, Maryland. It was a quaint little place that the landlord could have done better at repairing. He had bought it when the places were selling cheaply and folks were renovating them. It had been part of one of the Mayors’ attempts to make Baltimore a better place. Nevertheless, there wasn’t a straight line in Karos’ place.

Around the corner was everything that a young man in his twenties could need, a liquor store and a city market. I stopped into the market to pickup some things for the meal I was planning to make for myself.

The stands were closing down for the day. I walked hurriedly up to the produce stand to spy out some peppers and an onion. The local supermarket was worthless, even the project people avoided it if they could. Invariably the produce was already rotten by the time it hit the shelves there. I often wondered if the son of a bitch who owned it had just taken one hit on a load of produce would he have caught up and been able to sell vegetables while they were fresh; before they started to rot.

I found a pair of peppers and some onions. I asked the old polish lady how much they were. She looked me over; she’d seen me before I was sure of it but I don’t know if she knew I was local or not. She looked at the scale for a minute. Then she said, “ninety cents,” with out weighing the produce. I was amazed. In the supposed supermarket, I’d have paid three bucks and gotten rotten peppers. On the way home I stopped by the liquor store and got some smokes.

I was busily chopping the peppers not really paying attention when suddenly I felt a sharp pain in my middle finger on my left hand. I looked down and there was blood gushing out of the tip of my finger all over the white cutting board, mixing with the peppers. I grabbed a wet towel from the counter and wrapped up my finger.

Of course there was no first-aid kit in the house. I was a single guy living alone in the city. I had to make a dash up the street to the Rite-Aid for some supplies. The walk was quick. As I struggled to get my wallet out of my pocket, the clerk noticing the blood said, “Are you alright? Do you need to go to the hospital?” I assured her that there was nothing that the hospital could do for me. And there wasn’t. It was a tip of a finger cut off, not much bigger than the head of a Q-tip, but painful for sure. The nurse at the hospital wouldn’t be able to give me stitches, there was nothing to stitch.

I hurried down the street toward my house, intent on getting things squared away and cleaned up. I was getting really hungry. As I rounded the corner to my house I noticed Mike standing out on his stoop. Before I could even stop him, Mike had me inside and he was cleaning up my finger himself.

We made some small talk and smoked a butt or two. After he had bandaged up my finger, holding up his index finger he said, “Hold on I’ll be right back.” He dashed upstairs. Soon he was back down with a brownie in hand. “There man, almost as good as if mom had fixed it up.”

Nearly a year ago I wrote about Lost Talents.  I wrote about poems that I had written in college.  Shortly after that post, my good friend sent me scans of many (but not all) of those poems.  I was blessed, but many of them were incomplete drafts. I started hunting on old hard drives at that point.  This week, another friend booted up an old server “alpha.tincanalley.com” which had my home directory from 2004.  And that was a goldmine I found a directory called “files” which had all my poems from college and some other interesting things as well.

Here is a poem I wrote over the course of many weeks in 1992.  I’ll be posting several over the next couple of weeks.   I wrote this for a woman who I’ve known since fourth grade.  We’ve largely lost touch, but I think of her every time I see a horse farm.

A Letter to Laura

Remember that Friday night,

In August of nineteen-ninety?

The air was cool and unseasonable,

More like autumn.

I had stopped to see you

The last time before leaving

For college the next day.

The fields around your house

Seemed secluded; but they weren’t.

The first stars appeared

In the eastern sky, while the sun

Dropped below the Blue Ridge range.

Our summer ended,

And lives began once again in mystery.

As the blue-black night settled around us,

The light in the garage

Cast our shadows

On all those little rocks,

In the driveway.

We didn’t have time to spare,

No reminiscing, philosophizing,

Or long goodbye’s that night.

Inside, your family waited;

Packing for the day.

I had to get home myself,

But could not leave you.

I hoped that something more

Than a simple goodbye

Might bring us together that night.

I looked into your eyes as I often had,

Not knowing what to expect.

You smiled, but a tear still formed

In the corner of your eye.

You whispered some phrase

That only God knows now.

But your tight, forced smile

Would not allow fear or sadness,

We had to be strong, again.

Like the sister I never had,

You held me tightly.

And in that moment,

I saw the sparks of an old romance

That never caught fire,

Flicker and fade.

You said leaving was hard

And it was damned hard

As I walked slowly to the car

And began the drive down

The gravel into the dark, night.